How to Choose a Book by Letter With a Friend
To choose a book together by letter, first agree on the kind of reading you both want, then exchange a few possible titles with short reasons and practical details. Each person can mark the books they would enjoy, pass on a title without explaining why, and settle on the one that fits both your interests and your reading time. A simple rhythm—one invitation, one reply, one decision—keeps the exchange personal without turning it into an obligation.
Agree on what “by letter” means
Before suggesting books, decide what role the letters will play. Are you writing actual postal letters, exchanging email, or sending messages formatted like letters? Will you write before reading to choose the title, then again afterward to discuss it? Or do you want a brief note at each milestone? Ask what sounds enjoyable to both of you; there is no required format.
Make the first exchange modest. For example, each person could send one letter describing the sort of book they feel like reading now, plus two or three titles to consider. After you choose, you might each write one response after finishing. You can also agree that either person may pause or skip a round. A friendly invitation might say: “Would you like to choose and read a book together by letter? We could each suggest a couple of titles, pick one, and exchange a note afterward. No pressure if the timing doesn’t suit you.”
Name the reading mood before naming books
A shared mood narrows the field more usefully than an open-ended request for “a good book.” In your first letter, describe the experience you want: quick-moving or unhurried, playful or reflective, familiar or surprising. Then add a broad category such as a mystery, a travel memoir, a short story collection, or a novel with an unusual structure. Penguin Random House’s book-club guidance similarly recommends using a theme, author, genre, period, or topic to narrow the choices, and changing themes over time to keep selections varied. Penguin Random House, “Tips on Creating a Book Club”
Keep each person’s preferences concrete but low-stakes. You could write, “I’m in the mood for something under 300 pages,” “I’d enjoy a book with an engaging setting,” or “I’d rather not read another historical novel this time.” These are useful filters, not rules for all future choices. Ask your friend for one or two preferences too, so the first list reflects both readers.
Use a short, balanced shortlist
Each person can propose two titles, or one title and one backup. That makes the exchange manageable and gives both people a real say. For every suggestion, include a few details: title and author, the reason you thought of it, approximate length, and what kind of discussion it might invite. Avoid selling a book as a guaranteed favorite; describe what caught your interest and leave room for a different reaction.
A shortlist works best when the options are genuinely distinct. One might be a compact novel with a lively plot; another, a collection of essays; a third, a book you have both heard about but neither has read. If all the choices are similar, offer one that changes the pace or form. Newcastle Region Library’s guide suggests mixing genres and styles, considering books with material to discuss, and using a vote, rotation, or a small set of proposals followed by a vote to choose. Newcastle Region Library, “Tips for Beginner Book Clubbers and Some Bright Ideas”
You can make the decision with a simple reply: mark each title “yes,” “maybe,” or “not this time.” Choose a title both marked yes; if more than one qualifies, pick the one with the most shared enthusiasm. If none does, send one more option each or choose a new theme. A pass needs no defence. It is enough to say, “That one isn’t for me right now.”
Check whether the book suits this particular exchange
A book can be a good read and still be awkward for a two-person letter discussion. Ask whether it gives you something specific to notice or wonder about: a character whose choices you can debate, a setting you want to compare impressions of, a structure worth discussing, or an ending you may interpret differently. Penguin Random House recommends considering whether a book offers topics for discussion and whether its length is practical for members’ schedules. Treat those as prompts, not a formula: a short, enjoyable book may be exactly right if it gives you both something to write about.
Consider the time commitment honestly. Check the page count, whether it is part of a series, and whether your friend would need to read a long book before the exchange feels rewarding. If either of you has a busy month, a shorter book, a novella, or a small collection of stories may be easier to complete. You can also choose a stopping point within a longer work and exchange letters about that section, provided you both agree on the plan.
Ask about format preferences early if they matter to either of you. One reader may prefer print, another an ebook or audiobook; one may already own a title, while the other may need time to find a copy. You do not need to solve every practical detail in the first letter. Simply ask, “Does this format and timing work for you?” If the answer is no, move to another title or set the choice aside.
Make the choice without turning it into a contest
If you have different favourites, try a tie-breaker that keeps the choice shared. Take turns having the final pick: one person chooses this time from the mutually acceptable options, and the other chooses next time. Or let the person who suggested the tied titles explain which one they are more curious to discuss, then ask whether the other is happy to try it. If not, keep looking.
Another option is a two-book sequence. Choose the shorter or lighter title first, then let the second person lead the next selection. Newcastle Region Library describes rotating selectors and a mixed approach in which one member proposes several titles for a group vote. For two friends, the same idea can be scaled down: alternate who proposes the shortlist, while both retain the option to pass. Newcastle Region Library, book-selection suggestions
The key is to separate “I don’t want this book” from a judgement of the friend who suggested it. A warm reply can preserve the invitation: “I can see why you picked it, but I’m not in the mood for that subject. Could we try your other suggestion?” You both get to keep your taste, and the search continues without either person having to defend a preference.
Set a light reading and letter schedule
Once you agree on the title, choose a realistic window for reading and a date to exchange the first note. Build in flexibility: “Let’s aim for the end of next month and check in if either of us needs more time.” Avoid setting an exact deadline unless you both want one. If one person finishes early, they can note a few thoughts without sending spoilers, or wait until the agreed exchange date.
Agree on spoiler boundaries. For instance, you might write only about the first half until both are finished, or put a clear spoiler note before discussing the ending. If either of you stops reading, say so plainly and decide whether to exchange thoughts about the part you did read or switch to a different book. Newcastle Region Library’s discussion guidance suggests that people who have not finished can still take part; for a pair, you can decide together whether that feels right for this particular title. Newcastle Region Library, discussion guidance
Write letters that give your friend something to answer
A useful book letter does not need to sound polished or academic. Start with one clear reaction, point to a specific moment or passage, then ask a question that invites your friend’s view. For example: “I kept thinking about the narrator’s decision in the last chapter. Did it feel inevitable to you, or did you read it differently?” The National Council of Teachers of English’s ReadWriteThink letter-writing guide recommends grounding a letter in the text, giving enough context for the reader to follow your point, and leaving room for a response. Though written for classroom groups, those practices translate well into a friendly exchange. ReadWriteThink, “Exploring Literature through Letter Writing Groups”
Try a small set of prompts rather than a long questionnaire. You might ask: Which scene stayed with you? Did your view of a character change? What part would you like to hear me react to? Was there anything you found unexpectedly funny, vivid, or puzzling? The publisher’s discussion guide for Virginia Evans’s The Correspondent, a novel told through letters, offers examples of open questions about which letters stood out and how a reader’s understanding of a character changed. Penguin Books New Zealand, “The Correspondent book club questions”
Respond to what your friend actually wrote before adding a new topic. You might agree, offer a different interpretation, or ask what led them to a reading. Referencing a scene or detail gives the exchange a shared anchor. You can also connect the book to another story, a place, or an everyday observation if that feels natural. Keep the letter as short or as long as you both enjoy; the point is an exchange, not an assignment.
Keep the invitation easy to renew or decline
After the first book, ask one simple question: “Would you like to do another one sometime?” If yes, take turns proposing titles or repeat the shortlist method with a new mood. If your friend is busy, leave the next round open-ended rather than treating a delay as a commitment. A one-book exchange can be complete in itself; it does not have to become a standing club.
For a smooth first round, agree on four things: the format for your letters, the kind of book you both want now, a short list with room to pass, and a flexible date for exchanging thoughts. Then choose the title that both of you are curious to read. That small process makes the book selection collaborative while leaving each person free to enjoy the reading—and the letters—at their own pace.